1 Childbirth is not a quick process

There is a lot to underestimate with labour in pregnancy, and I have already covered this topic previously in some detail, so I will not overdo the point again – ‘Birth Takes Longer Than Five Minutes’. To summarise, Hollywood is lying. The process takes hours, not minutes, and the baby does not simply slip out. Your partner will be in a lot of pain and your focus will be solely on the safety of mother and child. That point may seem obvious, but two questions we overheard in the maternity ward on our hospital tour was; Is there internet? Is there a TV I can watch? These questions were asked by one individual in a tone suggesting he was not joking. God helps his partner.

2 Childbirth is an extremely painful process

I have been extremely naive and arrogant on this topic in the past. This perspective purely built on the argument that you will not find many men willing to be kicked multiple times in the balls, but women are willing to go through multiple pregnancies. This was obviously a tongue-in-cheek comment. Expect your partner to be in a lot of pain.

Whilst I have personally not experienced the pain of childbirth, the pain my fiancée exhibited was evident with every scream, with every clench of the fist, and with every push. I have never felt so helpless, and I have never felt so much admiration for my fiancée. She was an absolute superhero on both occassions.

Both our children were eventually delivered by C-section and that trauma to the body also brings its own pains to contend with.

3 You will experience unconditional love

The birth of a child is very emotional. You will be hit by a sense of relief once the baby arrives, but it is the love for your new arrival that will overwhelm you. You are now responsible for another human being and they are your everything. This love exceeds anything you may have experienced before, even that of your football team. It is this love that means you will forgive them every time they wee over you, are sick on your shoulder, or leave you a nasty surprise in their nappy.

One challenge I will flag, you will share every new experience of your newborn, including the negative ones. The worst of these is without doubt your little ones first injection. They will be all content and secure cuddling a parent. The doctor or nurse will then pull out a giant needle that will turn your little one’s world upside down. There will be tears and screaming of the highest proportion. However, it is the look your child gives you afterwards that will really pierce deep. A look that says “Why did you let them do that daddy?”

4 Returning home with a baby is scary

If you are not used to being around babies and having babies in your own home, then it can be quite scary the moment you walk through your own front door carrying a child that is now your responsibility. The security blanket of being around experts in a hospital is no longer there and every decision is now yours. Yes, your support network of friends and family will help, but at some point you will have to take complete control. This is an extremely important step as no parent has all the answers and this step helps you to find your own way. You will have lots of questions that you have to navigate. Is black tar like poo normal? What happens with the umbilical cord? How do you breastfeed? Why is the baby crying? How do you get the baby into a sleep pattern? These are all valid questions that can be quite scary for the inexperienced dad.

5 Team work makes the dream work

A key component of childbirth is teamwork. Do it well and you become extremely appreciative of the team around you. Childbirth can be overwhelming for both parents, so it is vital you work together as a team. The mother has undergone significant stress physically and mentally. It is therefore your role as the partner to support her unconditionally in the nine months leading up to childbirth, in the hours during childbirth, and especially during the recovery. You may get told off, you may be asked to complete chores, you may be sworn at, you may have to research topics and you may have to buy things that you never ever expected to. These are all areas where you can provide support to the team, but most importantly be a team player and proactively play a role in the team.

Another example of teamwork that I am thrilled to have experienced up close and personal is that of the medical team caring for my fiancée and working to deliver both my children. My first daughter was delivered by emergency C-section with Hana in labour for close to 24-hours. We were passed from one midwife to another before going into the operating theatre. This is a scary position to be in, but I felt confident this was the right place to be. The medical team was so confident, reassuring and precise in their roles and responsibilities that it became a spectacle to watch. I was in awe and I will be forever grateful to every one of the NHS teams that delivered both my children.

6 Nesting brings choices and spiralling costs

The term nesting was new to me, but it was fairly straightforward to interpret. Nesting is the process of preparing the home for the baby’s arrival. It is taken from the term used to describe when birds build a nest to call home. In my case, this centred on creating a nursery and buying the pram, car seat, cot etc. The volume of choice can be extremely overwhelming and the costs can mount up very quickly. My advice is to shop around, read reviews, and to speak to other parents. We ended up buying a Silver Cross Wayfarer bundle that came with a car seat, pram and carrier cot, the latter also doubling up as the cot for the first few months. This worked out to be a good choice, especially the car seat that was compatible with a separately purchased isofix base. For all parents to be, I cannot recommend isofix compatible car seats enough. The isofix base securely clips to bars found under the rear passenger seats in most modern vehicles, and then the car seat simply clips in and out of the base without having to faff around with the seat belt. Whilst isofix is available on most modern cars, it is worth checking compatibility before buying.

The last thing I will highlight on this point is that many new parents will have an overpowering urge to buy non-essentials e.g. bouncers, special sleep lights etc. Hold buying these non-essentials as there is no guarantee your child will like them. I am confident every parent has an example where they to have made this mistake.

7 Gifts galore

I referenced in the point above that there is an overpowering urge to spend, spend, and spend. This is especially the case when it comes to clothing and toys. The reality is that your friends and family will also be spending on clothes and toys to celebrate the birth. On top of this, there will also be those willing to donate those items that are left behind as their own children grow old. My advice here is to only buy select items that you really need or want, and to also ‘pay it forward’ by sharing your left behind items to friends or families in need.

8 Paternity leave is not a holiday

Statutory paternity leave is up to two weeks in the UK. You may be thinking that it is a two week holiday. Think again. I have included this point as I often hear expectant dads talking about how they are going to watch box-sets, play FIFA, or even go on a city break. The reality is, your attention will most likely be focused on mother and child. In our case, my partner needed four weeks recovery following a C-section. Two weeks was far from enough and my partner needed just as much support as the baby during this period. My time was spent focused on everyday chores and trying to find sleep when and where I could. My advice would be to keep paternity leave free from any plans and expectations you may have.

9 Advice from all angles

When I am asked the question ‘how did you know you were ready for parenthood?’, I always answer that it is a leap of faith that you can never truly prepare for. In taking that leap of faith we encounter many unknowns, but something that becomes known very quickly with the birth of a child is that everyone has their own advice to give on how to do everything better. It comes from all angles and even when you are not seeking it. The best advice I can provide here is that every child and parent is unique, and only you can know what is truly best for you and your child.

10 Babies sleep when they like

When a baby first arrives it sleeps a lot. You will spend a great deal of time either watching them sleep, or trying every method under the sun to get them to sleep. In our case, we invested in every product going to get our little one to sleep in some form of day and night pattern. Some products worked occasionally, but the two most effective tactics were me singing lullabies and turning on the fan for the cooker. I cannot say I am much of a singer and it is not something I particularly enjoy doing, but in this particular scenario it was something I was proud to own. It is also one of the few vague memories my daughter has from such an early age.

11 Parents do not sleep

One of the most annoying things about being a parent, and something I have been guilty of myself, is when non-parents say how tired they are to a parent of a new born child. A newborn baby sleeps a lot and has no sense of time. They will wake in the middle of the night crying through hunger, a dirty nappy, or simply because they want a cuddle. It is your job as a new parent to address this. The challenge is your baby cannot talk in fluent English. You are therefore left to guess what their needs are. You will change their nappy when they are hungry, you will prepare to feed when their nappy is wet, and you will repeat it all multiple times losing hours of valuable sleep before heading to work. The only time I have experienced a similar level of tiredness was when I went partying for 48-hours with no sleep. The difference being it was a weekend, it was my choice and I only had to take responsibility for myself.

12 Babies poo a lot

There is no hiding from a dirty nappy. Babies poo a lot and the smell is uncontrollable. In the worst case scenario, the nappy comes loose or does not fit perfectly and that poo also becomes uncontrollable. No one else is going to clean it up, so you have no choice. Changing nappies was something I obviously expected, but the sheer volume of changing was something that caught me off guard, as was the black tar-like poo from newborn children. As they say, practice makes perfect and eventually you will have nappy changing down to a fine art.

13 Parents are competitive

Every single baby is unique with their own pace of learning and development. Whether it be eating solid food, sleeping through the night, sitting up, crawling, walking, or even talking, every child will develop at their own rate. Some children may start learning skills earlier than others, but others may master those skills sooner. Never be demotivated by development in comparison to others. Be patient and it will eventually all click into place. The competitiveness of parents extends across many areas. Embracing modern parenting, I decided to attend a local baby group with Isla. There were ten adults and only one of them was male – me. This was not a problem, but it soon became apparent the other parents were more interested in scoring points over one another. It started with one parent announcing they had recently returned from Croatia, and then turned into holiday top trumps. One mum even recounted her trip to Mauritius from the early 90’s.

14 New routine

If you live by a routine, then rethink it. Or at least until the baby is a little older. Any routine is thrown straight out the window as soon as the child arrives. You have to work towards a new routine, and then once everyone has mastered that new routine, there is a relapse and it starts all over again. Similarly, if you are used to leaving the house five minutes before you have to be somewhere, consider changing that five minutes to 30 minutes. Everything takes longer.

15 You have no free time

Free time becomes a luxury. You now have the responsibility for someone’s life and that individual is extremely needy in their formative years. They want hugs, cuddles, nappy changes, feeding, burping, help sleeping etc, and this routine goes round and round. They are also uncooperative in adhering to any routine or plan, so planning free time becomes impossible and unplanned free time becomes the perfect time to catch some sleep.