Birth Takes Longer Than Five Minutes
It is over six months since my last blog post in the ‘Playing Dad’ series. I talked about how no parent can fully prepare for welcoming a baby into the world. I believe this statement is most applicable when it comes to the actual birth, especially if it is your first child. Books, classes, birthing plans and tours of the maternity ward only go a certain distance in preparing you for what awaits. I hope by sharing my experience, it can go some way to preparing others for this life event.
I will start by flagging a big misconception that is often portrayed in the movies. The birth of a baby is rarely as simple as waters breaking, contractions and then a baby is born all within five minutes. In our case, the scenario was far from this straightforward.
Despite all the ‘know-it-all’s’ proclaiming that the first child is always late, the birth of our baby girl commenced nine days early on the 11th August. I returned home from work to find Hana not feeling 100% and suffering from severe back pain. The realisation that Hana was going into labour hit home around midnight when she suspected her waters had broken. I say suspected, she was in the shower at the time.
This was the first point of panic. I recall running around the flat collecting everything in anticipation of driving to the hospital. The maternity ward instructed us to remain calm and to head to the hospital once contractions were taking place more frequently. At 3 am we were heading to the maternity ward at Lister Hospital. The midwife confirmed Hana’s waters had broken but we had some way to go before the baby’s arrival. As there was very little they could do at this stage, we decided to return to the comfort of our own home, but it was not long before we were back at the maternity ward with more frequent contractions. Hana tried nearly every natural birthing method available, however, our baby was in the back-to-back position. Not only did this position hinder progress, but it also caused considerable pain to Hana as the baby pushed against her spine.
I will interject at this point with a really important piece of advice for any expectant father. Your role throughout the birthing process is one of support and comfort, but you will still feel extremely helpless. Do not take anything your partner says personally. Uncharacteristic behavior is a side-effect of childbirth. I recall the midwife asking Hana if she would like some toast to which she replied: “Yes please”. The toast arrived and the midwife instructed me to ensure Hana eats. I proceed to offer Hana some toast to which she replies – “No I do not want any f@#king toast!”. This was one of the hardest parts of the whole experience. You can offer your support and follow the instructions of the midwives, but when your significant other half is in so much pain, you will feel so helpless.
Hana was in labour into the evening with back-to-back contractions. Around 7 pm the decision was made to move Hana to the consultant led unit. This really frightened me as it felt like we were heading into the unknown. Initially, the consultant led unit was not ready for our arrival and we were stranded in the corridor for a few minutes, minutes that felt like hours. All of a sudden our midwife took on an authoritative role commandeering a room and commanding staff into formation. The doctor arrived and was debriefed on the birth up to this point, and within minutes, myself and Hana were being informed of the next steps and potential outcomes. This action was very important to me. It gave me the confidence that Hana and baby were in safe hands.
The first delivery attempt in the consultant led ward involved forceps and a suction cup that would leave our baby with a red mark on her scalp for a number of weeks. With little success, Hana was moved to the operating theatre for delivery by C-section.
Photograph by Nicholas Moon
I am keen to hear from all those reading my blog, so I invite you to leave comments or make contact.
Nothing can prepare you for seeing your partner on the operating table. It is a scary experience. However, I was about to witness two sights that will stay with me forever.
The first was the sheer efficiency and effectiveness of the NHS team performing the C-section. Everyone in that room had a role and knew exactly what to say and do with every event. There was complete calmness in the room on their part.
The second was the euphoria of seeing my daughter for the first time. Kicking and screaming she arrived into this world at 20:09. From this point forward everything she saw would be completely new to her. We would spend one night in the hospital, before being discharged the following evening. This is where parenting really begins.
I will leave it there for this post, but in my next Playing Dad blog post, I will concentrate on the things you completely underestimate in becoming a father.